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Saturday, December 16, 2006

Scribbles of a wandering mind - Part III

It's been a month plus since i did any blog entry. The time lag was not because i had nothing to write about. But i had too many subjects to write about but couldn't concentrate on any one long enough to pen,,uh,,keyboard my thoughts in.

But,,my 'slumber' is now over,,and i'm back to write down my,,'take' on the things i saw and felt and understand get the gist.

I got many comments, recorded in blog and otherwise, about the laxity in me putting up the "GUY" side of things in the relationship matter that i touched upon, ok, SURGICALLY DISMEMBERED, in my last 2 "Scribbles". Some said that i was afraid of penning the guy side simply coz i would be disclosing some of my OWN faults. But worry not dear readers,, fear and EGO shall not stand in the way of enlightenment of the female masses wanting to learn about the "MALE MIND".

DISCLAIMER - I do VERY STRONGLY believe that the 'Male' way of thinking as inherently simpler, more logical, much less prone to needless emotional swings than the female way of thinking. Call me sexist, call me misogynist or whatever else you want, but i'm the way i am,,and THAT'S FINAL!!!!

Right then,,let me start off with what the female readers want to see first of all - HOW GUYS VIEW GIRLS!!!

:- Possible strong language, reference to abusive words and parts of female anatomy. If you're uneasy about the subject matter..KINDLY STOP READING!!

GUYS view girls in 4 distinct categories:-

  1. OOOH MAN...She's HOT
  2. Wow...NICE
  3. Hmm....OK
  4. YUCK

Barring those who right now want to KILL me after reading the classification, i'd explain the basis of the categorization. The basis of categorization is - SEX!!!

Why such a blatantly shallow physical view you ask??? Why not look at the "intellectual" standing you ask???

Simple guys and gals, you see 10 gals(or guys - from a girl's POV) on the road at any given time, you're not thinking how 'smart' he/she is in the brain department, you're thinking about how he/she looks. You can't possibly gauge his/her mental prowess just by looking at him/her,,can you???

Now let's get to the classifications in detail

  1. OOOH MAN...She's HOT - Usually reserved for the top 1-5% of the female species in a strange crowd at a public place or your inner and outer friends circle. The "Hotness" meter depending on - Size of "Assets" - Larger and more shapely,higher the marks( 'Larger' applies only to the bust and hip area. TUMMY area better not be LARGE by any measure) ; Flirto meter - How easy it is to chat upto her and whether she's amicable enough quickly to flirt with without having to worry about her walking off or worse......a BLACK EYE and a publicly bruised EGO. Would usually be wearing designer labels with a generous but skillful application of makeup to 'enhance' oneself to be even more appealing. Guys drool, and i mean DROOOOOL, over girls in this category coz they feel they've hit the 'mother load' when it comes to 'high quality Pussy'. To get the attention of such gals, guys will act more macho than usual, either in front of her directly or around their usual other guy friends; seemingly splurge more money than usual; try talking in uber- class accents more akin to a BPO employee's sales pitch than a casual coffee chat. Once a conversation is hit up,,it's not unusual for the guy to then run through phone recharges and bills as if they were toilet paper. Once dating gets underway, it's not unusual for the guy to flaunt her in front of other friends. Primary Goal( and secondary, and tertiary) is to get her into bed..PRONTO. If the guy is successful,,HALLELUJAH (and don't be surprised to see the guy flaunting his phone around to show proof via MMS vid. It's a dirty habit granted,but guys seemingly can't resist{personally i find it an appalling thing to do, but i don't speak for the masses}). If the guy is UN-successful, then i can bet pretty penny that the guy will go around town ruining her name to the nth degree by saying everything from - She's a money-digger. Bekkar hai, saali sirf paisa choosti hai( She's Shit. She just sucks up your money) and so on and so forth.
  2. Wow...NICE - Reserved for the next 5-20% of the crowd. The 'trials and tribulation' to get these gals' adulation and adoration is the same as for the "OOOH MAN...She's HOT" category,,but somewhat to a lesser degree. Usually these will be girls guys tend to focus on if they feel the "OOOH MAN" variety is beyond them,,,or they've been badly hurt when playing for them. So it's like a slightly less risky proposition (in theory anyway).. Unsuccessful endeavors also accompanied by face saving tactics such as demeaning the gal by spreading false stories or negative PR.
  3. Hmm...OK - These would be the 20-60% range. Usually guys wouldn't spend much time, energy and money on this category,,unless they feel they're getting "easy meat". If dumped by this category, guys usually DON'T spread bad PR. Confused??? Don't be. It's simply because they feel that spreading news about being 'rejected' by girls of this category will DAMAGE their public image rather badly as guys would usually think that this category of gals should make do with what they get.
  4. YUCK - Encompassing the remainder of the percentage. Guys usually DO NOT even heed these girls' presence in their universe UNLESS these girls themselves have friends who come in the other 3 categories. So these girls' will be catered to while the guys offhandedly work towards her friends. Are guys SLY or what???

You might notice that barring overviews on the classifications, i haven't gone into absolute details of the gals. That's because i can't generalize,,or should i say, subjectively qualify what qualities would place a girl in either category BEYOND what i've stated. But i have noticed something rather odd,,or should i say PARADOXICAL. Guys in Delhi, majorly Punjabis, do NOT harbour any fancy towards dark skinned girls in general day to day discussions. BUT, that does NOT keep them from drooling over dark skinned actresses like Bipasha Basu, Sameera Reddy, Rani Mukherjee etc. I myself do not know why this is so. I personally find dark skinned girls as beautiful as fair skinned ones. HOWEVER....even more strangely, when it comes to SEX or Sexual Fantasies,,,dark skinned girls score ABOVE fair skinned ones. The logic of such confusing state of affairs escapes me for sure. And as a REMINDER,,do heed my words when i say this - Guys DEFINITELY give more 'weightage' to the 'below neck' area than the 'above neck' one. So you can have a nice,shapely face,,but it's a darn good guarantee that a girl even with a not-so-nice shapely face but a damn good pair of breasts and a shapely arse will catch the guy's attention loads faster than a nice face alone. I'm sure the makers of padded bras got around to this fact far earlier than many of those who USE them.

Right then,,,i guess that takes care of the physical side of things. Let's get to the 'intellectual' side of things.

Guys and Gals are on very different platforms when it comes to the intellectual side of things as one is very well aware of(IF you're NOT,,be aware after reading this). Guys cannot tolerate small-talk after 15 mins,,or if the girl is a fast talker, 5 mins. After that no matter how much the guy smiles at you or nods, you can be sure he's gone someplace else thinking of sports, cars, bikes or simply SEX. So avoid small-talk beyond what it's mainly used for - ICE BREAKING! And Puh-leeeeese, DESIST from talking about clothes, shopping and whatever else BARGAIN deals you had with the guy. Guys are not interested in how good you look in what you're wearing after 5 mins of "Hello"..They're interested in how good you'll look WITHOUT those clothes. And contrary to popular belief,,a gal talking about another gal does NOT interest the guy too much, infact it bores him no end. So do try and keep the conversation on matters mutually relevant to both.

As i pointed out in my last 2 "Scribbles" entries, guys hate,,,HATE it when gals twist,turn, tumble and beat around the bush when touching upon a sensitive topic. If you wanna say something,,,,SAY IT CLEARLY and PRECISELY.. It saves time, it saves energy, and it saves a helluva lotta hair pulling for the guy who sometimes feels like nothing better than to give a right royal forehand across her face to get her to divulge what it is she really wants to say. So please gals,,,do us guys this much favour and drop the needless politics from your speeches and say what you want clear and fast.

After reading this you readers( especially the female readers) might think that guys are unscrupulous, shady, sly, mean creatures who think of only getting the gal into bed and nothing else. Well,,for them i ask just one question.

What else does a guy want with a gal in the most basic scheme of things if not SEX????

The age old debate of "whether a guy and a gal can just be friends" will usually pop up after reading upto this point. Well,, of course they can be "just friends",,i've covered that angle in the "YUCK" point. Of course that is not the ONLY friendship angle out there,,but others are beyond the purview of this blog.

EPILOGUE - Whilst you think of arguing that point via commendations, comments, flames and other degrees of textual communication,,i'll wrap up this edition of Scribbles. DO note that the topic of "relationships" has been CLOSED as of this moment. I've showcased both the guy side and the girl side spanning the 3 editions of the series. NO FURTHER ARTICLES will be dealt with on this topic, unless something specific pops up in the future which has been overlooked in the 3 editions.

Comments welcome......

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Nivedita said...

Not bad [:P] It is a well known fact that guys like to go physical :)
so it is always upon us to maintain the limits :)
Anyways after reading your post most of the girls would stay off guys [:P] or you can always expect comments like "How dare you..." "Girls are not cheap..." "you guys always view us as sex objects" [:P]

The Ignoramus said...


If only dolls were more pleasureable!! :P